What a crazy day.

Let me back up . . . I’m Amoebro’s contact with the Canadian Nonhumanoid Assimilation Society. They give me money and I keep tabs on the little guy. Or big guy. That’s the thing about amoebas, they keep changing size. Just watching him move around gives me great stories for the microbiology department. You wouldn’t believe the looks on some of the professors’ faces.

What, the name? Yeah, blame me and my brothers at Sigma Theta Pi for that one. I was on the phone one day and since he didn’t have a name yet, I just called him my “Amoebro.” I didn’t know he was listening. Now that he’s started calling himself that, it’s stuck.

Anyway, you were visiting about the pseudopod-painting. It was Dr. Fleury’s idea. Since he’s sapient and acts like a human preschooler, she wanted to test his cognitive abilities. It took a few hours to get the point across to him. Once he figured out the paint wasn’t food, though, he took to it like normal kids do. It’s pretty helpful for keeping him under control. I think it’s helped him cope with these superhero missions, too. He always paints after he returns here. Sometimes, when he’s foggy on some of the details and getting frustrated, I dose him with the memory serum.

What, you don’t believe an amoeba can paint? Here, I’ll show you some of them.

After that last mission,  Amoebro decided to go for a swim in the river. I didn’t stop him. He was pretty depressed after blowing up! Normally there are a lot of boats out there. Maybe he just didn’t feel like painting them.

Wait, who am I kidding? I bet he was too busy eating fish.

Huh. If explosions don’t bother him too much, why should fish hooks? I haven’t heard anything about amoebas in the rivers, so I guess he didn’t pull back. Not that it’d be hard for him to get out; he could just flow his cytoplasm around it.

Amoebro’s pretty friendly and chirpy for what he is. Earth is lucky that he’s always been that way. When you get down to it, though . . . he’s a giant blob of protoplasm. Captain Thunder here didn’t react too well to that. It’s a good thing Amoebro isn’t fased by tasers. Otherwise, he might’ve eaten the guy, and we don’t need that.

I mean, he’d already eaten his clothes. He said they had a “salty flavor.” Amoebas!

Oh yeah. Ever since he accidentally caught Satan II’s show from the States, Amoebro’s been wanting to get on TV. I suggested he get on Sesame Street. Since I wasn’t expecting him to get on right away, I also had him film some tapes for local channels. One actually responded. They wanted him to appear for their “things that begin with ‘A'” segment. He was pretty excited . . . then he asked what an “A” looked like.

Huh. Well, this is a good opportunity to test our theory on his age. If he acts like a preschooler, he can probably be taught like one. Mini-Max, that new fellow, was pretty receptive when I asked about primers. With his miniature skills, he should be able to make metal books.  I don’t think the local preschools would appreciate him eating theirs.

Heh. Things are always exciting around here. Samhain’s daughter Ceara went missing, and then there was an Amber alert for two kids around her age. He put two and two together and went to the danger room. It turned out Ceara had made Virtual Candy Land for a couple of her schoolmates. Amoebro’s reaction was pretty predictable. I think the other members of Aurora Ward have already added a distraction setting. Maybe it’ll cut down on the food bills.

A little while after that, everybody but Amoebro left the base. I was working on some research when I heard some noises downstairs. When I looked at a camera, I saw that Night Templar had returned. He and Amoebro were gathering his ritual supplies. (All the crates for expensive and rare stuff are cytoplasm-resistant. Amoebro will eat everything.) I figured I should stay out of it, since I’m no mage.

That might’ve been a mistake. From looking at these pictures, and talking to Night Templar and Samhain, the team leader was under some kind of mind control from his investigations. He’d set up the ritual circle with a whole lot of errors. Samhain came back and tried to talk him out of it, but he was too late.

Unlike last time we had a demon (I never thought I’d say that), it was a warrior one. Even superhumans sometimes have trouble with them. The demon made fun of Night Templar for a bit, then stepped out of the warding circle and teleported elsewhere.

So yeah . . . Amoebro ate Night Templar again. He was nice about it and asked Samhain first.

Then he spat out the demon amulet that was in Night Templar’s costume pocket. How did anyone reverse pickpocket him like that? He’s usually pretty sharp!

The team put the base on lockdown and pursued the demon. It was a pretty clever one, from what Night Templar said, snatching one of the boats. Good thing Night Templar had his plane and Mini-Max had his boat. Amoebro rode along with Mini-Max. When Night Templar fried the boat the demon was on, Amoebro got off at a dock. He and that Captain Mayhem guy restrained the demon. After that, sending it home was apparently simple.

This one confused me at first. Mini-Max was able to explain. For whatever reason, the team decided to take Amoebro to the university. They’d meant to interview one of the students about that stolen artifact. The trouble is, Amoebro is . . . well, Amoebro. Just the sight of him terrified the students.

Apparently he shoved Amoebro through the wall. Don’t worry, though; again, only his feelings were hurt. That made him really sad, though! Once I gave him his memory serum, he drew this next picture.

I guess he didn’t feel like interacting after that. It looks like he shrunk into the grass and hid in a can until he forgot where he was. He said the squirrels were pretty. Huh. I’m just glad he got back to the others. Amoebro is pretty hard for a bunch of nonsupers to hurt, but there could have been more media trouble.

Oh yeah, they’re heading to this magical auction next. The others are taking it pretty seriously, but I’m not sure Amoebro is. Maybe I can get him to learn his ABCs before they start that mission. And eat some armor, and maybe another engine . . . he’s pretty strong, but he’s just like a kid and doesn’t think things through.